Bendoren’s Blog

Just another weblog

Snippet of a gay’s life

I was reading an entry from another blogger here at wordpress. Her name is Lucia, direct link is


To be honest, I’m not yet open about my sexuality. Most people in my life don’t know and wouldnt know that I am gay, most probably because I am not gay obvious, contrary to some gays here who would apply makeup and stuff. I was thinking of coming out when my “boyfriend” is already here in Manila and the of us would be living in the same roof. Although in Lucia’s blog, she wouldn’t recommend it. Notes on her page were ” Coming out on the spur of the moment, with little time for discussion probably isn’t a great idea” and “Don’t come out as an attempt to shock someone, or to shut them up”.

I believe in her, but it’s easier said than done. Most of the time here in the Philippines, parents especially the father won’t accept that their son is gay. I think it’s a lot easier for them accept that their daughter is gay rather than facing the fact that their son is. I’d like to think of it as the “macho effect” of our society, where men who are butch are the accepted type and if tere are gay people, they better be trying hard to be male rather than putting so mch effort to become a woman.

The problem is, our society tends to focus on the “facade” and ignore the things lying beneath it. I mean, there are lots of celebrities who are gay, but would show a different persona which is straight. I could name-drop a few, who acts on tv programs pressumably as straight but lives a different life at night. Aside from the the fact that they might lose their acting career if it would be known that they are openly gay, it would be such an issue that it would be headlining the late night news if it becomes out. I feel sorry for gays who have to lock themselves up their souls can’t breathe. I can only imagine how hard it is to be gay inside but in a relationship with a girl, and even marrying them and later on having kids (ewwww!).

What most western people may say as coward decisions is not entirely true. I think that if the society would make such reform in the minds of it’s people, and try to educate and make them understand what is third sex, then somehow majority of the people might begin to respect them instead of TOLERATING them. I hate the word, I feel like gays and lesbians are cockroaches that are left living and thriving just because there’s no insecticide available to spray at them.

Here’s from an experience and from what I’ve read and learned… in the middle east, those countries that are predominantly muslim, and especially the ultra-conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia, gay men learned the art of blending to the “right” society that the term “third sex” can be erased in their dictionary as early as tomorrow. Arab men kissing and holding hands are just common, but what you don’t see is when those two are alone, in a private place, or even in the “dwaniya” (receiving room for guests where they can drink tea). The fact is, arab women are veiled from their toes up tp thir noses that you won’t see their faces. Plenty of alternatives for that, and cetainly that won’t be bottles nor any other holes or openings that you could use to insert your tool. Get a guy who loves to be done and do it over and over again, no one would know anyway. Some of them would also do it in groups. There are some videos in the internet showing that.

And to think that they pray five times a day. Check out their mobile phones, you would find one or a couple of porn videos in it. When I was in Kuwait, I saw a couple of wmen who talks and and moves in such a masculine manner that you can quickly identify them as lesbians, but obviously won’t admit to it because it’s a sin. My patient and I would visit Saudi Arabia nd hunt for birds in the desert. Occassionally, we would spend a night or two in a hotel, in a small city called “Al Sayra”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that it’s the nearest settlement on the map after passing through the Kuwait-Saudi Arabia border. One night, I went out to search for a phone booth, I just wanted to call my family back home. As I was passing by this alley, there wast his black who whistled at me. I looked back and I was furious. In my home counntry, I’m obviously a guy, and there I was being whistled like I was a sexy chick. He’s not gay? I went in to this store and there’s this guy wearing a “dishdasha” who held my hand and talked to me like he’s almost kissing me. He’s not gay?

To put it in a short way, there are more deeper factors why gay men won’t go out of the closet. With the examples that I gave you before, social awareness, education, and moral issues go hand-in-hand which affects the majority of the population in a certain vicinty on how they view a certain issue. Conclusion is, coming out in the open in US is not that easy compared to doing it in Kuwait. If I’m an arab boy and happened to be gay, and at some point admitted to my father that I’m gay, I would be written off of my family as if he didn’t have a son, cast me away like he didnt raise me up, and he wouldn’t care whatever happens to me after that.

Gays have a long way to go,and admitting to your family that you are gay is just the start fo it.


April 19, 2009 Posted by | Journal | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments